Grieving Emile…
I just realized this weekend has been my first real restful weekend in a while. For months, something has always been occupying my mind. Training and running the marathon. Immediately shifting into finishing the art installation. Then ICE causing chaos across the country, and over 500 people showing up to be trained for Migra Watch. Then the Artist to Work reception.
I had a moment of grieving Emile this weekend. Accepting that he is really gone, but feeling thankful for the life we shared. It made me feel grateful for the life we’re given, for experiencing it fully, and for being able to feel at all.
On his last day. He was not doing so well. Could barely stand or walk. But he walked outside on his own and stood in the sunlight. He was looking back at the house. I honestly took this as a sign, that he was ready to go..and wanted to see the house one last time.
My parents were really going through it. At different moments they blamed each other, then themselves. But each time, they found their way back. My dad didn’t even want to go at first, but my mom told him to be there for Emile, and that was enough for him. They were both breaking down.
When Emile passed and the vet took him away, my dad quietly cleaned the tears I had dropped on the floor and did his best to comfort my mom.
I know my brother wanted to be there. We had him on the phone a few days before and let him know we might have to put Emile down. He helped guide the conversation there, especially when I was having a hard time getting my parents to understand.
We’re not the most functional family, but in that moment, we felt like one.
