Reclaiming my masculinity
I use to be hesitant to wear a sombrero. Not because I was ashamed being Mexican, I love my skin, my eyes, my culture, and where my family comes from. I avoided it because of the toxicity it represented to me over the years.
I associated it alcohol, drugs, violence, and the toxic macho culture. And it was just something I didn’t want to be part of. I already had a hard time being associated with men in general. On a more personal level, there was some shame growing up Mexican-American. Sounding white, liking white things, not being Mexican enough, not speaking the language right.
I was basically a no sabo kid if the term existed 20 years ago. Somehow, I didn’t become resentful which where I feel like a lot of folks in similar situation fell under.
I couldn’t fault those who shamed me for thinking that way, they have their own healing to process and don’t even know it. I think of my dad wearing a sombrero, my grandpa, and all the people looking happy and proud. I also extend grace to Mexican Americans who might have been pushed away from their culture for whatever reason.
Little by little, I connect my two cultures of being Mexican-American.
Reclaiming this part of me that I’ve avoided. Reclaiming my masculinity. Reclaiming more of my heritage.
And I’ve never felt more at peace with myself by wearing this sombrero
Taken in the backside of my grandma's home, using one of her chairs.
Self Portrait, Full Series - Dec. 2022
Morelos, México
